[His grip tightens, steel digging into the flesh of Elmott's cheek as he takes in a sharp breath. I'll look out for you — that's just a thing people say. And people have already said this a hundred, a thousand times before, but Yan Qing can never quite convince himself that it's true. How should one bring himself to trust another, anyway? Time? He's wasted enough years to know it doesn't work that way.
His next declaration is a whisper that barely contains his anger.]
I'll kill you.
[Because it's easier that way. He considers letting Elmott live and he grits his teeth just thinking about it. He can't live with another mistake. If Elmott saves him now, who's to say that things will stay the same?]
I'll fucking kill you.
[If Elmott saves him now, the debt would be far too great to bear.]
[ the steel of the gauntlet digs into his cheek and elmott smiles, too much teeth for it to be nice. one hand slides up yan qing's wrist until he feels his fingers, pushes them harder into his flesh. ]
Kill me, if that'll make you snap outta this. [ his voice is much steadier than he feels, and his pulse thrums in his veins, loud in his ears. ] But get this through that thick skull of yours, Shin.
[ elmott isn't a betting man, but he trusts his instincts. and it's instinct that makes him reach up with his other hand to slide his fingers through yan qing's long hair, as soft and smooth as he imagined it to be. ]
Yan Qing's balance lasts as long as his eyes stay open, the shock with him until his eyes flutter shut and he lets it happen. It's not the best. Elmott is clumsy and the taste of blood on his lips only tell Yan Qing what he's done, but it is a kiss, and he doesn't want to think. He's lightheaded, mind aching and empty as the chroma courses through his veins and takes the seraphim's anger away. What was the last thing he said? His thoughts can barely compete with the beat of his heart in his ears. But he had barely even fought, hadn't he? The wings fold as they recede into his back, growing smaller and smaller until all that's left are the wounds below his shoulder blades and the consciousness he is trying to grasp.]
El... mott?
[It's his turn to take Elmott's wrist, his shaking breath tickling Elmott's lips.]
What are you...? Ah...
[Yan Qing pulls Elmott into his arms to feel his warmth and confirm it himself. Elmott's alive. The madness that had seized him earlier is no longer there to tell him he shouldn't be — at a cost. He sees Elmott's condition, all black and red and blue, and he realizes he's done it again. Not the violence, but the failure of protecting someone who gave a damn. Relief and remorse have his heart like a vice, and the tears are there before Yan Qing can stop them.]
[ it's not the best. it's rushed and bloody and desperate, elmott's eyes squeezed shut as he holds the kiss and his breath for as long as he can. he doesn't know the first thing about kissing, but he knows that it's not supposed to be like this: used as a last ditch effort to save yan qing and himself. but he's out of ideas and if he's going to die, he may as well die trying.
but all of that doesn't matter once he hears yan qing's voice — the one he recognizes instead of that cold and angry one from before. yan qing pulls him close and elmott goes willingly, like a puppet with its strings cut, and sheer relief coaxes a wheezing little laugh out of him that's muffled against yan qing's chest. tension bleeds out of his frame despite the pain he can feel everywhere, but it doesn't matter. nothing matters except that yan qing is back and he's alive, somehow, and they can finally get out of here. ]
Dumbass, [ it's rasped out, but his tone is much too soft for it to be an insult. he lifts his head just enough to see yan qing, but then he closes his eyes again when he realizes he's seeing two of him instead of one. ] Quit apologizing and help me up.
[He's the dumbass, Yan Qing thinks, but he doesn't fight it. He did that already. Instead, he nods and wipes his tears with his arm, then looks away under the present of looking for Elmott's staff. He finds it under a chair and presses it into Elmott's hand. If anything, Yan Qing's glad he didn't give the fight his all. Maybe some part of his crazed self knew Elmott couldn't win. Not without his flames.
Why didn't he use his flames...?
Elmott is light in Yan Qing arms when he carries him. It's not exactly what he asked him to do, but he knows it's better than having him limp across the amphitheatre.]
[ his fingers close around the staff when he feels it pressed into his hands, shrinking back down to its normal size. elmott registers yan qing picking him up with the shift of gravity, and he's too tired to protest against it. as they make their way across the deserted arena, he takes stock of his injuries, presses his free hand against his sides to check his ribs for damage. he feels like he got his entire abdomen ripped out, but he can't find anything broken at the moment; he thinks it might be thanks to yan qing holding back, and he's grateful for it, even though he was stupid to try and fight him anyway.
but there wasn't anything else he could do. elmott thinks back to the panic he felt when he saw the wings sprouting from his back, and he knows he would have done the same thing. ]
Do me a favor? [ he opens one eye once they make it outside, head pillowed on yan qing's shoulder and feeling like he could fall asleep at any moment. ] Take me back to my place. The clinics are probably full.
Tch, [ elmott doesn't bother to hide his own smile, a small, tired thing as he closes his eyes again. ] Been dealing with you since I got to this dump, haven't I?
[ it's only been a handful of months at best, but it feels like so long ago since the night they first met. ]
I'm still here. A while longer ain't gonna make a difference.
[His lips part, and if Elmott could see them, he would even say they quivered, but Yan Qing doesn't say a word. For once, he believes it.
They arrive at Elmott's apartment without incident. After that stunt, Yan Qing wasn't sure he'd be welcome here again either, but here he was, laying Elmott on the couch and examining his wounds. His gauntlets disappear into what looks like stardust as he reaches out to brush Elmott's bangs aside, and he almost can't believe he did this much. With the surge of emotion he felt the second the seraphim struck, he honestly expected more.]
Damn... Okay, don't move. Let's getcha cleaned up first, yeah? Stay where you are.
[He looks for the things he needs, and it doesn't take him long to come back and get to work. He doesn't panic. He's done this before.]
[ it's hard not to doze off while yan qing is carrying him. it's funny, how he was literally getting his ass kicked by him not that long ago and now he's taking him home. there's probably something to be said about that, and probably something to be said about how relaxed he feels at the moment, trusting yan qing to get them back without any further trouble.
he keeps drifting back to when he'd pulled him close and the crush of his mouth against yan qing's; a part of him wonders if maybe he should make up for it somehow, insist that it was just to wake yan qing up instead of anything deeper than that. but elmott knows himself and he knows he's an awful liar. he told yan qing he's still here and he meant it in every sense — he never goes back on his word.
a shimmer of light flickers behind his eyelids and elmott opens his eyes slowly to see the gauntlets fading away, registering the familiar walls of his apartment afterward. now that he's lying down, he feels a little less lightheaded, a little more coherent as he makes a soft grunt of an acknowledgement before yan qing disappears. he makes an attempt to sit up and immediately regrets it, tucking a pillow behind him instead to prop himself up. ]
How's it look?
[ this isn't the worst damage he's been dealt, but he knows it's not very good either. for now, he lets yan qing handle it, staying still as his eyes slip shut once more. ]
[He musters up his usual self; the last thing Elmott needs to do is worry about him. Now's not the time to think about the lingering taste of blood on his lips or who's thinking of what. They have more important things to do. Surviving is one of them. So is paying back a debt.
He knows what Elmott said, but he still...]
...You're still a looker. Don't worry about it. [Elmott could be worse. If he can laugh, that's a good sign. Yan Qing dips a piece of cotton in the solution.] Now clench your teeth. This might sting.
[With that warning, he begins to dab at the fresh wounds on Elmott's face.]
[ he's chuckling though, wincing just a little bit at the pain in his stomach. but it helps to alleviate whatever concerns he had; this is familiar, comfortable, and maybe yan qing is doing it for his sake, but he's grateful for it all the same.
elmott turns his head a little towards him to make it easier, ears flattening against his head at the first dab of cotton on his cheek. it's more cold than anything else — the sting hardly registers more than just an uncomfortable prickly feeling, and he bears it quietly until yan qing is finished.
eventually, after he's moved from the cuts on his face to the ones along the side of his head, he speaks up again. ]
... Thanks, [ he starts, already feeling silly for it. ] For staying. You didn't have to clean me up.
[He huffs. Between the flattening of Elmott's ears and his words of gratitude, Yan Qing is relieved to find that things have stayed the same. He doesn't know what he'd do if Elmott had been quick to leave him for good, but he supposes he would have moved on just as fast. That's how it always is with him, despite everything. But right now, when Elmott shows himself at his most vulnerable, Yan Qing doesn't even want to think about that.
When he speaks, his voice is uncharacteristically soft. Gentle.]
Didn't have to. Just wanted to. Like what you did back there, right?
[As Yan Qing pushes Elmott's bangs up to reach a wound on his temple, he's feeling shy all of a sudden. It's not like him to be when he's all smiles and confidence, so he pushes onward. Back to the usual. There are things he has to say now before he has any regrets.]
[ elmott has no doubts that yan qing would move on quickly if he decided to leave, just as he knows he wouldn't be capable of the same. as much as he tries not to care, the fact of the matter is that he does, almost too much. it's gotten worse since he started teaching; he's forgotten how to just leave people be, to not get involved and invested, to not take responsibility for anything. he can't let go as easily as he used to, and sometimes that still keeps him up at night: he has more to lose now.
but it's not like he has a choice anymore, does he? he's accepted it — the weight of that responsibility and everything that comes with it. even if it kills him in the end. ]
I meant what I said, you know. [ yan qing's tone is as gentle as his touch against his temple, and elmott finds it difficult to maintain eye contact as one moment stretches into two. ] You don't owe me anything. I'm not gonna stop.
[ reminding him, believing in him. elmott doesn't think he needs to say as much for yan qing to know; he feels like he probably said too much already, but since he's here now, he might as well go all in. ]
There is a long pause when lifts the cotton from Elmott's wounds. He wants to look at him the way he is now and burn it into memory — scars, bruises and all. This is what he's willing to put himself through. All this for a nobody he's only known for a month or two. He really doesn't get it. What did he do to make Elmott go so far. Stupid. Moron. This pause isn't for himself anymore.
Elmott needs to focus.]
Yan Qing. That's my real name.
[He rests his chin on his hands flat on the couch, peering at Elmott with a little more affection.]
... Well, you're from another world, so it doesn't mean anything to you. Ah, but if it did, I wonder if you'd do the same thing. I guess you would. [He sighs.] You're way too soft.
[ it's fine if yan qing doesn't understand — elmott doesn't really understand it himself either, how he'd changed so much in such a short amount of time; how he's grown to care this much about yan qing when it's just been a few months since they met. he doesn't know how it started, doesn't know what the catalyst was that led him to this moment, but maybe there's just people out there that he was meant to connect with. like djeeta, like tsubasa, like yan qing. they've all impacted his life in some way or another, expanded his world to encompass more than just himself. he doesn't feel remorse or regret sitting on his couch beaten up and bruised in front of yan qing, and he knows that, given the choice, he'd likely do the same thing again.
but anyway, ]
I knew you weren't Shin, sorta from Shinjuku. [ it's a little anticlimactic in a way, but it's only because he had a feeling from the start. he just never felt right about pushing him for it. ] Yan Qing, huh? [ he says it slow, feels the way his mouth shapes the syllables and vowels. ] It suits you.
And you ain't in a position to be judgin', so I'd shut it if I were you.
[There is a certain joy in watching someone say your name for the first time. Most people don't learn it the way he has; people like him lie, steal and cheat to get ahead. It's all he's ever done since joining the bandits at Liangshan. Hiding, that is. So when Elmott says he always knew, Yan Qing feels a weight lifted off his shoulders. Elmott doesn't believe because Yan Qing's charmed him. In fact, he's beginning to think it's quite the opposite.]
Hmm? Is that how I come off? After all that? [He snorts.] Well, thank you. I never did know my parents long, but whenever heaven takes me, I'll be sure to tell 'em.
[He knows he won't go back to heaven. The Throne of Heroes doesn't work that way, but it's a nice thing to think about and a nice thing to say. Elmott doesn't need to think about anything more than that.]
Sort of. [ he shrugs, it's not a language he's familiar with, but the sound of it and the shape of it — ] I guess I just thought you were more than just Shin.
[ elmott doesn't remember his parents, doesn't remember if they were the ones who gave him his name or if he somehow ended up choosing it for himself. a name is just a name in the end, he supposes. but the significance of it, the feeling it evokes when someone you care about calls you by it — maybe that's where it really matters. ]
Yeah? [ one would think that after being in this city for so long, he'd know what yan qing is talking about. ] How?
[Yan Qing reaches out, eager to show Elmott, then relents before he can touch his skin. His frown deepens, and part of him worries that perhaps asking for more is too much. He's already hurt him. What if Elmott hates this sort of thing? The sudden contact, the surprises.]
...Can I hold your hand?
[He knows it's okay. He just doesn't want to make him feel like he has to hide.]
[ it's almost funny how yan qing asks to hold his hand now after everything that happened. but elmott doesn't really think about it, placing his hand in yan qing's and curling his fingers around his. chroma sparks alongside the goosebumps that pebble his skin, but he ignores it as well as the flush that threatens to crawl up his face. it's fine, this is fine. they're just holding hands, it's not a big deal. ]
he's shy and he's nervous, maybe even a little apprehensive. earlier, he was operating on desperation and adrenaline, that extra boost to get him over his dumb fear of revealing his feelings. elmott is a terrible liar, but he deflects and never takes the first step when it comes to anything more than just camaraderie, or the care he shows his students. the fact that he managed to do so at all earlier is something he still hasn't gotten over yet.
his heart beats painfully in his chest, his fingers twitch around yan qing's. ]
[He keeps his eyes shut. He doesn't need to know what Elmott looks like now when he can feel the slight movement of his hand that clues him in. Anyone would fluster at the sudden offer of a kiss, but Yan Qing hears what's left unspoken when Elmott doesn't fight it.
Interesting.]
You make it sound like I liked the first one, hahaha.
[Not that he hated it, either.
With one last sigh, he lets the topic go. His recovery is top priority, and he can't delay it any longer for something trivial.
Something that requires a little more thought, as much as he wants to forego that.]
Go to sleep now. You'll be fine. Ah, but Elmott. Just one thing?
[As Yan Qing leans into the pillow he's made of his arm, he cracks one eye open.]
Anything you wanna do, I don't mind doing it with you.
[ even if yan qing hated it, elmott wouldn't hold it against him. it wasn't very good and he had no idea what he was doing for the entirety of it. but it means something that yan qing would bring it up again, doesn't it? and what he says next makes something in his chest tighten, makes him feel warm all over, like he's casting his magic. he both hates and likes how yan qing makes him feel this way so easily. ]
Are you saying that because you want it too? [ it's difficult to look at yan qing's face, so he stares at their linked hands instead, following along the patterns of his tattoos. he swallows, suddenly feeling even more vulnerable than he already has been. ] Or because of earlier?
Now Yan Qing doesn't know what to do. His chest tightens and he doesn't know why. He has Pyra, doesn't he? But Pyra has never said a word or made him promise everything, and Yan Qing has never been closer to her heart as much as he has with Elmott. That has nothing to do with what he wants to do — what he allows himself to do. He only does something when it feels right. That's the way it's always been for him.
He never asks why it does.
And besides...]
That doesn't matter. Think about yourself.
[In the end, this isn't about him. It shouldn't be. That's how you keep people around, right?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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His next declaration is a whisper that barely contains his anger.]
I'll kill you.
[Because it's easier that way. He considers letting Elmott live and he grits his teeth just thinking about it. He can't live with another mistake. If Elmott saves him now, who's to say that things will stay the same?]
I'll fucking kill you.
[If Elmott saves him now, the debt would be far too great to bear.]
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[ the steel of the gauntlet digs into his cheek and elmott smiles, too much teeth for it to be nice. one hand slides up yan qing's wrist until he feels his fingers, pushes them harder into his flesh. ]
Kill me, if that'll make you snap outta this. [ his voice is much steadier than he feels, and his pulse thrums in his veins, loud in his ears. ] But get this through that thick skull of yours, Shin.
[ elmott isn't a betting man, but he trusts his instincts. and it's instinct that makes him reach up with his other hand to slide his fingers through yan qing's long hair, as soft and smooth as he imagined it to be. ]
You don't owe me anything.
[ elmott pulls him forward and kisses him. ]
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Yan Qing's balance lasts as long as his eyes stay open, the shock with him until his eyes flutter shut and he lets it happen. It's not the best. Elmott is clumsy and the taste of blood on his lips only tell Yan Qing what he's done, but it is a kiss, and he doesn't want to think. He's lightheaded, mind aching and empty as the chroma courses through his veins and takes the seraphim's anger away. What was the last thing he said? His thoughts can barely compete with the beat of his heart in his ears. But he had barely even fought, hadn't he? The wings fold as they recede into his back, growing smaller and smaller until all that's left are the wounds below his shoulder blades and the consciousness he is trying to grasp.]
El... mott?
[It's his turn to take Elmott's wrist, his shaking breath tickling Elmott's lips.]
What are you...? Ah...
[Yan Qing pulls Elmott into his arms to feel his warmth and confirm it himself. Elmott's alive. The madness that had seized him earlier is no longer there to tell him he shouldn't be — at a cost. He sees Elmott's condition, all black and red and blue, and he realizes he's done it again. Not the violence, but the failure of protecting someone who gave a damn. Relief and remorse have his heart like a vice, and the tears are there before Yan Qing can stop them.]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
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but all of that doesn't matter once he hears yan qing's voice — the one he recognizes instead of that cold and angry one from before. yan qing pulls him close and elmott goes willingly, like a puppet with its strings cut, and sheer relief coaxes a wheezing little laugh out of him that's muffled against yan qing's chest. tension bleeds out of his frame despite the pain he can feel everywhere, but it doesn't matter. nothing matters except that yan qing is back and he's alive, somehow, and they can finally get out of here. ]
Dumbass, [ it's rasped out, but his tone is much too soft for it to be an insult. he lifts his head just enough to see yan qing, but then he closes his eyes again when he realizes he's seeing two of him instead of one. ] Quit apologizing and help me up.
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Why didn't he use his flames...?
Elmott is light in Yan Qing arms when he carries him. It's not exactly what he asked him to do, but he knows it's better than having him limp across the amphitheatre.]
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but there wasn't anything else he could do. elmott thinks back to the panic he felt when he saw the wings sprouting from his back, and he knows he would have done the same thing. ]
Do me a favor? [ he opens one eye once they make it outside, head pillowed on yan qing's shoulder and feeling like he could fall asleep at any moment. ] Take me back to my place. The clinics are probably full.
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You sure about that? That means you gotta deal with me.
[And he's sure Elmott thinks he's better off without him around.]
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[ it's only been a handful of months at best, but it feels like so long ago since the night they first met. ]
I'm still here. A while longer ain't gonna make a difference.
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They arrive at Elmott's apartment without incident. After that stunt, Yan Qing wasn't sure he'd be welcome here again either, but here he was, laying Elmott on the couch and examining his wounds. His gauntlets disappear into what looks like stardust as he reaches out to brush Elmott's bangs aside, and he almost can't believe he did this much. With the surge of emotion he felt the second the seraphim struck, he honestly expected more.]
Damn... Okay, don't move. Let's getcha cleaned up first, yeah? Stay where you are.
[He looks for the things he needs, and it doesn't take him long to come back and get to work. He doesn't panic. He's done this before.]
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he keeps drifting back to when he'd pulled him close and the crush of his mouth against yan qing's; a part of him wonders if maybe he should make up for it somehow, insist that it was just to wake yan qing up instead of anything deeper than that. but elmott knows himself and he knows he's an awful liar. he told yan qing he's still here and he meant it in every sense — he never goes back on his word.
a shimmer of light flickers behind his eyelids and elmott opens his eyes slowly to see the gauntlets fading away, registering the familiar walls of his apartment afterward. now that he's lying down, he feels a little less lightheaded, a little more coherent as he makes a soft grunt of an acknowledgement before yan qing disappears. he makes an attempt to sit up and immediately regrets it, tucking a pillow behind him instead to prop himself up. ]
How's it look?
[ this isn't the worst damage he's been dealt, but he knows it's not very good either. for now, he lets yan qing handle it, staying still as his eyes slip shut once more. ]
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He knows what Elmott said, but he still...]
...You're still a looker. Don't worry about it. [Elmott could be worse. If he can laugh, that's a good sign. Yan Qing dips a piece of cotton in the solution.] Now clench your teeth. This might sting.
[With that warning, he begins to dab at the fresh wounds on Elmott's face.]
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[ he's chuckling though, wincing just a little bit at the pain in his stomach. but it helps to alleviate whatever concerns he had; this is familiar, comfortable, and maybe yan qing is doing it for his sake, but he's grateful for it all the same.
elmott turns his head a little towards him to make it easier, ears flattening against his head at the first dab of cotton on his cheek. it's more cold than anything else — the sting hardly registers more than just an uncomfortable prickly feeling, and he bears it quietly until yan qing is finished.
eventually, after he's moved from the cuts on his face to the ones along the side of his head, he speaks up again. ]
... Thanks, [ he starts, already feeling silly for it. ] For staying. You didn't have to clean me up.
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When he speaks, his voice is uncharacteristically soft. Gentle.]
Didn't have to. Just wanted to. Like what you did back there, right?
[As Yan Qing pushes Elmott's bangs up to reach a wound on his temple, he's feeling shy all of a sudden. It's not like him to be when he's all smiles and confidence, so he pushes onward. Back to the usual. There are things he has to say now before he has any regrets.]
So... thanks. For believing in me.
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but it's not like he has a choice anymore, does he? he's accepted it — the weight of that responsibility and everything that comes with it. even if it kills him in the end. ]
I meant what I said, you know. [ yan qing's tone is as gentle as his touch against his temple, and elmott finds it difficult to maintain eye contact as one moment stretches into two. ] You don't owe me anything. I'm not gonna stop.
[ reminding him, believing in him. elmott doesn't think he needs to say as much for yan qing to know; he feels like he probably said too much already, but since he's here now, he might as well go all in. ]
I'm here 'cause I wanna be. Got it?
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Why? 'Cause I'm cute and funny?
[It's a joke.
Maybe.
There is a long pause when lifts the cotton from Elmott's wounds. He wants to look at him the way he is now and burn it into memory — scars, bruises and all. This is what he's willing to put himself through. All this for a nobody he's only known for a month or two. He really doesn't get it. What did he do to make Elmott go so far. Stupid. Moron. This pause isn't for himself anymore.
Elmott needs to focus.]
Yan Qing. That's my real name.
[He rests his chin on his hands flat on the couch, peering at Elmott with a little more affection.]
... Well, you're from another world, so it doesn't mean anything to you. Ah, but if it did, I wonder if you'd do the same thing. I guess you would. [He sighs.] You're way too soft.
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[ it's fine if yan qing doesn't understand — elmott doesn't really understand it himself either, how he'd changed so much in such a short amount of time; how he's grown to care this much about yan qing when it's just been a few months since they met. he doesn't know how it started, doesn't know what the catalyst was that led him to this moment, but maybe there's just people out there that he was meant to connect with. like djeeta, like tsubasa, like yan qing. they've all impacted his life in some way or another, expanded his world to encompass more than just himself. he doesn't feel remorse or regret sitting on his couch beaten up and bruised in front of yan qing, and he knows that, given the choice, he'd likely do the same thing again.
but anyway, ]
I knew you weren't Shin, sorta from Shinjuku. [ it's a little anticlimactic in a way, but it's only because he had a feeling from the start. he just never felt right about pushing him for it. ] Yan Qing, huh? [ he says it slow, feels the way his mouth shapes the syllables and vowels. ] It suits you.
And you ain't in a position to be judgin', so I'd shut it if I were you.
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Hmm? Is that how I come off? After all that? [He snorts.] Well, thank you. I never did know my parents long, but whenever heaven takes me, I'll be sure to tell 'em.
[He knows he won't go back to heaven. The Throne of Heroes doesn't work that way, but it's a nice thing to think about and a nice thing to say. Elmott doesn't need to think about anything more than that.]
Hey. I know how to make those wounds heal faster.
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[ elmott doesn't remember his parents, doesn't remember if they were the ones who gave him his name or if he somehow ended up choosing it for himself. a name is just a name in the end, he supposes. but the significance of it, the feeling it evokes when someone you care about calls you by it — maybe that's where it really matters. ]
Yeah? [ one would think that after being in this city for so long, he'd know what yan qing is talking about. ] How?
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...Can I hold your hand?
[He knows it's okay. He just doesn't want to make him feel like he has to hide.]
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That it?
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Mm. Yeah. This place is great, ain't it? If you fall asleep like this, you'll be all healed up in no time.
[The flow of chroma is as pleasant as the touch of Elmott's hand, and Yan Qing closes his eyes to feel it.]
But if you wanted a kiss, I wouldn't mind that either.
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he's shy and he's nervous, maybe even a little apprehensive. earlier, he was operating on desperation and adrenaline, that extra boost to get him over his dumb fear of revealing his feelings. elmott is a terrible liar, but he deflects and never takes the first step when it comes to anything more than just camaraderie, or the care he shows his students. the fact that he managed to do so at all earlier is something he still hasn't gotten over yet.
his heart beats painfully in his chest, his fingers twitch around yan qing's. ]
You want another one?
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Interesting.]
You make it sound like I liked the first one, hahaha.
[Not that he hated it, either.
With one last sigh, he lets the topic go. His recovery is top priority, and he can't delay it any longer for something trivial.
Something that requires a little more thought, as much as he wants to forego that.]
Go to sleep now. You'll be fine. Ah, but Elmott. Just one thing?
[As Yan Qing leans into the pillow he's made of his arm, he cracks one eye open.]
Anything you wanna do, I don't mind doing it with you.
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Are you saying that because you want it too? [ it's difficult to look at yan qing's face, so he stares at their linked hands instead, following along the patterns of his tattoos. he swallows, suddenly feeling even more vulnerable than he already has been. ] Or because of earlier?
time to be REALLY STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now Yan Qing doesn't know what to do. His chest tightens and he doesn't know why. He has Pyra, doesn't he? But Pyra has never said a word or made him promise everything, and Yan Qing has never been closer to her heart as much as he has with Elmott. That has nothing to do with what he wants to do — what he allows himself to do. He only does something when it feels right. That's the way it's always been for him.
He never asks why it does.
And besides...]
That doesn't matter. Think about yourself.
[In the end, this isn't about him. It shouldn't be. That's how you keep people around, right?
He doesn't want to owe anyone—]
i hate this
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