killful: (Default)
Yan Qing 燕青 ([personal profile] killful) wrote2019-03-19 11:01 pm
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heater: and i'm drunk (elmott sensei, shitsumon desu) (you're incredible)

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-04 05:30 am (UTC)(link)
Tch, [ elmott doesn't bother to hide his own smile, a small, tired thing as he closes his eyes again. ] Been dealing with you since I got to this dump, haven't I?

[ it's only been a handful of months at best, but it feels like so long ago since the night they first met. ]

I'm still here. A while longer ain't gonna make a difference.
heater: i have me (nah i'm not lonely)

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-04 06:35 am (UTC)(link)
[ it's hard not to doze off while yan qing is carrying him. it's funny, how he was literally getting his ass kicked by him not that long ago and now he's taking him home. there's probably something to be said about that, and probably something to be said about how relaxed he feels at the moment, trusting yan qing to get them back without any further trouble.

he keeps drifting back to when he'd pulled him close and the crush of his mouth against yan qing's; a part of him wonders if maybe he should make up for it somehow, insist that it was just to wake yan qing up instead of anything deeper than that. but elmott knows himself and he knows he's an awful liar. he told yan qing he's still here and he meant it in every sense — he never goes back on his word.

a shimmer of light flickers behind his eyelids and elmott opens his eyes slowly to see the gauntlets fading away, registering the familiar walls of his apartment afterward. now that he's lying down, he feels a little less lightheaded, a little more coherent as he makes a soft grunt of an acknowledgement before yan qing disappears. he makes an attempt to sit up and immediately regrets it, tucking a pillow behind him instead to prop himself up.
]

How's it look?

[ this isn't the worst damage he's been dealt, but he knows it's not very good either. for now, he lets yan qing handle it, staying still as his eyes slip shut once more. ]
heater: (elmott sensei, shitsumon desu) (now i smell like fruit instead of shame)

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-04 07:19 am (UTC)(link)
And you're still full of shit.

[ he's chuckling though, wincing just a little bit at the pain in his stomach. but it helps to alleviate whatever concerns he had; this is familiar, comfortable, and maybe yan qing is doing it for his sake, but he's grateful for it all the same.

elmott turns his head a little towards him to make it easier, ears flattening against his head at the first dab of cotton on his cheek. it's more cold than anything else — the sting hardly registers more than just an uncomfortable prickly feeling, and he bears it quietly until yan qing is finished.

eventually, after he's moved from the cuts on his face to the ones along the side of his head, he speaks up again.
]

... Thanks, [ he starts, already feeling silly for it. ] For staying. You didn't have to clean me up.
heater: (our flirtationship begins)

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-04 09:14 am (UTC)(link)
[ elmott has no doubts that yan qing would move on quickly if he decided to leave, just as he knows he wouldn't be capable of the same. as much as he tries not to care, the fact of the matter is that he does, almost too much. it's gotten worse since he started teaching; he's forgotten how to just leave people be, to not get involved and invested, to not take responsibility for anything. he can't let go as easily as he used to, and sometimes that still keeps him up at night: he has more to lose now.

but it's not like he has a choice anymore, does he? he's accepted it — the weight of that responsibility and everything that comes with it. even if it kills him in the end.
]

I meant what I said, you know. [ yan qing's tone is as gentle as his touch against his temple, and elmott finds it difficult to maintain eye contact as one moment stretches into two. ] You don't owe me anything. I'm not gonna stop.

[ reminding him, believing in him. elmott doesn't think he needs to say as much for yan qing to know; he feels like he probably said too much already, but since he's here now, he might as well go all in. ]

I'm here 'cause I wanna be. Got it?
heater: but, you know what, i'd recommend it (it's weird being my own role model)

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-04 10:14 am (UTC)(link)
I dunno about cute, maybe funny.

[ it's fine if yan qing doesn't understand — elmott doesn't really understand it himself either, how he'd changed so much in such a short amount of time; how he's grown to care this much about yan qing when it's just been a few months since they met. he doesn't know how it started, doesn't know what the catalyst was that led him to this moment, but maybe there's just people out there that he was meant to connect with. like djeeta, like tsubasa, like yan qing. they've all impacted his life in some way or another, expanded his world to encompass more than just himself. he doesn't feel remorse or regret sitting on his couch beaten up and bruised in front of yan qing, and he knows that, given the choice, he'd likely do the same thing again.

but anyway,
]

I knew you weren't Shin, sorta from Shinjuku. [ it's a little anticlimactic in a way, but it's only because he had a feeling from the start. he just never felt right about pushing him for it. ] Yan Qing, huh? [ he says it slow, feels the way his mouth shapes the syllables and vowels. ] It suits you.

And you ain't in a position to be judgin', so I'd shut it if I were you.
heater: (elmott sensei, shitsumon desu) (my anaconda will consider it)

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-04 05:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Sort of. [ he shrugs, it's not a language he's familiar with, but the sound of it and the shape of it — ] I guess I just thought you were more than just Shin.

[ elmott doesn't remember his parents, doesn't remember if they were the ones who gave him his name or if he somehow ended up choosing it for himself. a name is just a name in the end, he supposes. but the significance of it, the feeling it evokes when someone you care about calls you by it — maybe that's where it really matters. ]

Yeah? [ one would think that after being in this city for so long, he'd know what yan qing is talking about. ] How?
heater: (elmott sensei, shitsumon desu) (pretty sure it's pronounced horny)

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-04 09:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[ it's almost funny how yan qing asks to hold his hand now after everything that happened. but elmott doesn't really think about it, placing his hand in yan qing's and curling his fingers around his. chroma sparks alongside the goosebumps that pebble his skin, but he ignores it as well as the flush that threatens to crawl up his face. it's fine, this is fine. they're just holding hands, it's not a big deal. ]

That it?
heater: (just nut up and die alone)

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-05 01:49 am (UTC)(link)
[ oh, there it is. the elephant in the room.

he's shy and he's nervous, maybe even a little apprehensive. earlier, he was operating on desperation and adrenaline, that extra boost to get him over his dumb fear of revealing his feelings. elmott is a terrible liar, but he deflects and never takes the first step when it comes to anything more than just camaraderie, or the care he shows his students. the fact that he managed to do so at all earlier is something he still hasn't gotten over yet.

his heart beats painfully in his chest, his fingers twitch around yan qing's.
]

You want another one?
heater: i have me (nah i'm not lonely)

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-05 03:18 am (UTC)(link)
[ even if yan qing hated it, elmott wouldn't hold it against him. it wasn't very good and he had no idea what he was doing for the entirety of it. but it means something that yan qing would bring it up again, doesn't it? and what he says next makes something in his chest tighten, makes him feel warm all over, like he's casting his magic. he both hates and likes how yan qing makes him feel this way so easily. ]

Are you saying that because you want it too? [ it's difficult to look at yan qing's face, so he stares at their linked hands instead, following along the patterns of his tattoos. he swallows, suddenly feeling even more vulnerable than he already has been. ] Or because of earlier?
heater: (let the decider decide)

i hate this

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-05 05:55 am (UTC)(link)
[ elmott is quiet for a long time, thinking about what yan qing said, thinking about the things he said and everything else that led up to this point. with his eyes closed, it almost seems like he fell asleep. honestly, he doesn't know if he can sleep at the moment.

eventually, he loosens his hold on yan qing's hand, just enough to slip his fingers through his in a more secure hold. there's action in inaction — yan qing doesn't answer his question and that in itself is an answer. but who is he to demand one from him anyway? who is he to expect anything from him?
]

It matters to me. [ because it'd be easier for him to move on. ] But, it's okay.

[ you don't owe me anything. ]
Edited 2020-02-05 05:59 (UTC)
heater: and i'm drunk (elmott sensei, shitsumon desu) (you're incredible)

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-05 08:06 am (UTC)(link)
[ yan qing's right — it's not fair and elmott knows it. he doesn't want to push him for a decision, even if the answer, whatever it may be, frightens him. but what's important is that it's a decision yan qing made himself for himself, not because of what he feels he may owe him, or what he feels elmott wants. the distinction matters, because yan qing matters. ]

I'm the last person you should be crying over. [ something seizes in elmott's chest, a clench and a release at the tremor in yan qing's voice, in the way he squeezes his hand. he reaches out with his other one to cup the side of his head, pulls himself over to tuck his nose against his crown in a parody of a kiss. ] Hey, it's okay, yeah? It's fine. I'm sorry.
heater: (elmott sensei, shitsumon desu) (pretty sure it's pronounced horny)

[personal profile] heater 2020-02-05 10:18 am (UTC)(link)
[ maybe he's too soft, or maybe he just sees too much of himself in yan qing. he recognizes it, all the self-loathing and negligible self-worth; pushing people away only to long for that same comfort of affection and care he could never find on his own. he was there before and he still is now. but perhaps the difference is that he's here, his face pressed to yan qing's hair and holding him closer than he's done with anyone else. maybe yan qing needs it, but so does he. ]

And I told you, I'm not lookin' to get anything.

[ because even this is more than enough, knowing that yan qing wants to. that want is something he can't define yet, and he doesn't know what he wants either, but it's there, simmering beneath his skin beside the chroma. dual sensations, shimmer and ache. ]

I ain't made of glass, Yan Qing. [ he huffs a laugh that lingers in the small space between them. ] I know you kicked my ass earlier, but I can take it.

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