[ he's not sure what to say at first. he knows logically that the same could be applied to him, he's just never thought about it like that. things have changed since he met the crew, but the fact is he's not personable like the others, not as sociable or likable. ]
I guess I just didn't expect you to keep coming back.
[He sets his tea down, and his gaze softens as he leans back, looking at Elmott with fond green eyes. He knows the feeling of not expecting anything, of pushing others away despite yourself. The little things about Elmott start to click, and Yan Qing finally thinks he's begun to understand his kindness. No, not kindness—but what's it called? In his desire to understand, he draws closer.]
So I got every reason to, don't I? And now we're here.
[He takes him by the chin and it reminds him of that day at the amphitheatre. Same distance, same strong grip.
But this time, he smiles.]
You always look so tired. I hope I'm not wearing you out.
[ he watches as yan qing shifts closer, lets him hold his chin like he did not that long ago. he's close enough to feel his breath on his face again and elmott has to make a conscious effort not to pull away out of nervousness or whatever else that's always plagued him whenever yan qing gets close. he doesn't think he's been as physically close to anyone since djeeta, and it's a sobering thought, makes his whole face warm again. ]
I ain't as young as I used to be. [ he feels like he's aged ten years since he's arrived in lunatia. but yan qing's smile lingers in his mind even as he closes his eyes, relaxing into his touch. ] Keepin' up with you kids is a full time job.
I'm a kid? Well, sorry for giving you a hard time, teach.
[His laughter is low in his throat. Elmott talks a lot about getting old, but Yan Qing's not the one scared stiff from his touch. He doesn't judge. This is new to him, too: the beat of his heart, the rush of heat across his skin. If he should lose himself to the feeling, it won't be because he's afraid of finding anything else. So Yan Qing traces a careful line from Elmott's lips to his throat, and the next time he speaks, his breath is hot on his neck.]
I just wanna learn more about you.
[Slowly, Yan Qing pushes him down, the smirk still on his lips as he begins to savor the taste of everything he needs, right where he wants it.]
[ because he wouldn't allow one of his kids to get this close, nor would he allow himself to do this either — his lips part beneath yan qing's fingers, and his next inhale is shakier than it should be when he feels his breath on his neck. yan qing has barely touched him and elmott's chest feels too tight, heart beating rabbit-quick in his sternum.
i just wanna learn more about you, he says, and elmott thinks he already knows how to read him better than most people he knows.
he doesn't register that yan qing has pushed him down until his back meets the fabric of his couch and he swallows hard, finally blinking his eyes open to see him. but he can only see the top of yan qing's head as he shudders beneath him, and it's not fair that he feels this wrecked already. ]
Hey. [ it comes out breathier than he'd like, reaching up to frame his fingers along yan qing's jaw. ] C'mere for a sec.
[ at the very least, he owes him a proper kiss this time. ]
[He follows Elmott's hands without resistance and it's his heart's turn to race, every beat loud in his ears as he looks up and sees Elmott with a face he's never seen before. He's vulnerable, for once, and Yan Qing is overcome with a feeling he has yet to name.]
[ he shakes his head, suddenly forgetting how to speak, now that yan qing is so close to him. they're not in an amphitheater this time and neither of them are hurt, elmott can see him clearly, can smell him; yan qing is in every one of his senses and it's almost too much.
it doesn't take a lot of effort to lean in the scant distance between them, to press his lips against yan qing's soft and slow, a far cry from the hurried and desperate first kiss. he has his eyes closed again and he slides his hands from yan qing's jaw up into his hair, long strands slipping through his fingers like water. he feels lightheaded, feels like he's floating, and he breathes in shakily once he realizes that there should be more to this. he should... do more with his hands, or mouth, or something. but he hasn't done this before, has never entertained the thought of doing this with anyone because he's him and he knows he's not so easily likable.
but maybe it's okay. there's a million reasons why he shouldn't be doing this, but none of them stick. he holds yan qing close, cradles the back of his head with one hand and counts the seconds until he pulls away. ]
[Elmott doesn't know what to do. Yan Qing can tell. It doesn't matter. Yan Qing knows his struggles. Elmott likes to say he isn't meant for this, that he could never kiss or touch or hold someone for too long. It's never happened before. Yan Qing can't see why, but he thinks he can see how Elmott asks for it. Because if Elmott can be so kind to someone who doesn't deserve it, Yan Qing wants to believe it's selfishness. Otherwise, Elmott is a fool. Yan Qing knows what it's like to feel he is not wanted, and that he will never be. The desperation is all-consuming. There isn't a day he doesn't think about suddenly losing everything. Is Elmott scared of that? Lips are on lips and hands are in his hair and Yan Qing thinks he is scared, too, of losing this: the feeling of belonging, of trusting, of understanding the reason behind every action so that he can know what to do. And when Elmott brings him closer, Yan Qing doesn't need to ask what comes next.
The kiss returned is slow and deep as it savors the chroma running beneath their veins. Pleasure closes in on them as they forget the cold tea on the coffee and the breaths they need to keep going. Elmott runs his fingers through Yan Qing's hair and he draws out a soft sound of pleasure that pours into their kiss, followed by the murmur of a name. Hurried hands begin to tug at Elmott's shirt, tearing it open button by button. Rough fingers find bare skin. A command:]
[ it's difficult to think about things like the tea getting cold, or how one of his legs hangs off the couch in an awkward angle so that both of them can fit on his couch. it's difficult to think at all, really, the moment yan qing makes that sound and it shoots right down his spine, like he'd poured hot water down the back of his shirt. his fingers twitch in yan qing's hair, almost tugging it on instinct, but he's distracted by the hands working his shirt open. ]
—What? [ how is his voice so rough already? he clears his throat, blinks past the dizziness to focus on yan qing's face, and shivers when the cooler air meets his skin. ] You already know, don't you?
[ yan qing has to know. elmott is easy to read despite how much he covers it up with his prickly exterior, and it's harder to do around people he cares about. tell me what you want feels like a broad and hazy concept, something all-encompassing that even he's not sure he can really define. but it starts with yan qing and it ends with yan qing, so— ]
[Yan Qing's hand slides down Elmott's chest, fingertips brushing against a nipple before they reach his tight stomach. The kisses don't stop. They are constant and overwhelming, as the first time always is, all these sensations and points of touch they never thought they could feel here and now. Is it the chroma? Yan Qing doesn't want to think that it's science working in their favor. It can't be just anybody, not the chemistry or the way their bodies fit. Honesty can't only be found in the night. And now that he has it, he'll wear it down and wring out every last drop.
The clink of Elmott's buckle sounds like a ringing in his ears as he undoes it in a hurry, his whispers hot on Elmott's skin when he asks,] You've done this before?
[ when did yan qing's hands get to his buckle? he doesn't even remember when his hands moved down, too distracted by the kissing, by his fingers tracing down his chest and then to his abdomen. maybe it's the chroma, or maybe it's just yan qing and the fact that elmott cares too much and quickly. maybe it's both, he doesn't know. what he does know, is that there's too many things for him to focus on, anticipation coiling low in his belly with no where to go. ]
No, [ it's breathed out shallowly, his hips twitching up towards yan qing almost of their own accord, in some silent encouragement. elmott's face is on fire like the rest of him, and he can't look at yan qing at the moment, so he tilts his head up towards the ceiling instead. ] Do I seem like the kinda guy that gets around?
[ because he isn't, and he doesn't know what he's doing. ]
[Elmott can tell he means it because Yan Qing murmurs the words as if he'd just gotten out of bed, humming close to Elmott's ear as he runs his fingers through his hair like wine. On the surface, Elmott's nothing close to what he's used to holding — tall, disheveled, and rough around the edges — but Yan Qing knows Elmott gets him better than anyone else, is kinder than anyone else, and that matters more than any pretty face.
But at the same time, it'd be wrong to say he didn't find Elmott attractive. He hushes Elmott with a press of his lips to his temple, his cheek.]
You think I'd fuck you if you didn't look like this? [He laughs, the clear and crisp sound breaking the thick silence hanging in the air. It doesn't go away.] I ain't that nice, you know.
[Elmott bucks forward and Yan Qing's tattooed hand slips underneath the garter, pressing him down, tracing the bones of his hip as he lays next to him.]
Just relax and let me do it. You're so hot—
[His words sound like smoke, warm on Elmott's neck, but even warmer is the thick length Yan Qing wraps his fingers around when he finally finds what he's searching for.]
Edited (can't believe I had to go back to this) 2020-02-20 21:00 (UTC)
[ it makes his chest clench each time, the things yan qing says and how honest they sound, slipping warm against his ear like a physical touch. he shivers, partly from the sensation and partly from something like embarrassment — by how good it feels to be told those things, things that he would have never thought could be applied to him; by how nice it feels to be held and touched like this. his throat goes all tight and he couldn't say anything even if he wanted to, even if he had the words for it.
just relax, yan qing tells him, but elmott can't, not when he can feel his hand sliding into his jeans, into his briefs, and then there's fingers around his dick and elmott's brain goes blissfully blank.
he's very dimly aware of his back arching up off the couch in a sharp jerk, as if trying to get free. there's a low, almost animal sound that leaves his throat aching afterwards, something desperate mixed with relief; he doesn't remember coming but yan qing's touch is wet and hot and the shame that he couldn't stop himself, that he's already done this quickly can't even penetrate the fuzz in his mind. he can't recall the last time he'd touched himself, can't recall the last time he felt like he needed or wanted to, not when he was trying to find a way to survive on his own.
when he blinks his eyes open, he comes back to himself in degrees, staring up at yan qing haloed by the light filtering in front the small kitchen. his hand feels like jelly, but he reaches up to cup his cheek, draws him down so he can kiss him, slow and open-mouthed, like he has all the time in the world to devote to this single thing. ]
[He had barely gotten a stroke in when he feels Elmott come in his hand, the liquid heat sticky in his palm. It's over faster than he expects, but when he can glide over the shaft a little easier, he doesn't mind it all that much. He idly slides Elmott's cock between his fingers, smearing it wet before he lets go. It's amazing, really, how he can make someone feel something so good in this world. He's about to tease Elmott and push the feeling down before it overwhelms him, but the kiss takes his breath away and it makes him feel like he's actually worth something. Whatever he is paid, he returns in kind, so slowly, as if they had all the time in the world, they savor each other's taste until he has to breathe. Thin, silver lines form and break between their lips as they pull apart.]
I didn't do a thing, but... [He chuckles.] Couldn't wait for me, could you? I always knew you were a freak.
[Then, with a kiss more chaste:]
I like that, though.
[It's a shame. He was looking forward to more. But if Elmott is happy with this, that's all that matters to him.
Yan Qing pushes himself up. He's on the couch now, clothes wrinkled and hair a little mussed, looking at the very same hand that touched Elmott seconds ago. It's covered in a wetness on his palm and between his fingers, threatening to drip down the ink on his wrist. Not wanting to waste a drop of mana, he licks it before it does. He doesn't think twice. Not even when his tongue laps up Elmott's come with purpose does Yan Qing realize what he's doing as it starts.]
[ there's no heat behind it and it's more out of habit at this point than anything malicious. the fact that he looks as wrecked as he is doesn't really help him either. maybe it's the chroma or maybe it's something else, but he feels loose and warm all over, like lying on the deck of the airship on a warm summer day. it doesn't stop him from running the pad of his thumb over yan qing's lips though before he pushes himself up, but what he doesn't expect is for him to lick his hand afterward.
elmott makes a choking sound, stilted and startled, and he hates the way heat immediately shoots down his body at the sight of it despite having finished just a moment ago. he wonders if yan qing knows what he's doing, if he's aware of it and how he doesn't seem fazed by it at all. but distantly, he recalls the conversation they had over breakfast, about how yan qing needs sex to survive. maybe he was telling the truth after all.
but now, he has options. he could either get up and end it here, or he could stay like a bigger part of him wants to. the idea that yan qing did this at all, maybe not just for him, isn't lost on elmott; more importantly, he doesn't like the idea of not doing something in return. it's not nearly as altruistic as it seems when he sits up himself, taking yan qing's soiled hand and kissing his wrist, reaching down with his other hand to slide his fingers into yan qing's waistband and pull him closer. ]
[He's not ready. He doesn't expect it. He'd taken Elmott for the passive type, willing to lie there and take it, but the truth of the matter is Yan Qing's not used to getting what he gives. Elmott's lips are on his wrist and color paints his cheeks faster than the sensation of knuckles tracing down his stomach. He grabs him by the wrist.]
You don't have to—
[But as his hips move away, the same hand pulls him closer.]
[ elmott follows without resistance, scooting in close until he's seated between yan qing's legs, knees bracketing his sides. he lets go of his hand and reaches up instead, tracing a finger over yan qing's cheek before leaning in to kiss the curve of it. ]
I want to.
[ he knows what this is, that yan qing doesn't expect anything because it's easier that way, less hurtful in the long run. it's harder to give than to take because there's always a risk of having more and more taken from you until you have nothing left to give, until you've been wrung dry of everything you have. elmott knows this, but it doesn't stop him anyway, because he hasn't been emptied yet.
his fingers are steadier than he feels, undoing the fly to yan qing's pants carefully like this isn't the first time he's done so, like this isn't the first time he's touched someone like this. the dim light from the kitchen makes it hard to see things clearly, but he can make out more of yan qing's tattoos beneath and he swallows thickly, feels his teeth ache like he wants to put his own marks alongside them. ]
It's not the first time he's had hands admire the tattoos across his skin and voices tell him to play another song or have another drink. Those voices last for just a night. He's not used to being wanted down to his soul, to trusting Elmott won't leave the next day. He knows this now, because when Elmott kisses his cheek, it's like he could say anything and Yan Qing would believe it. And he doesn't want to be that fool again, hoping for something that will never come to be, but Elmott never asks for anything either and he can't help the aching in his chest. In this moment, he remembers why Elmott is too much for him. Too good, too willing to give him everything he wants. It makes him selfish.
He tugs on Elmott's wrist, gripping it as if he's afraid Elmott will disappear, and suddenly, his throat is tight.]
I want you to.
[Carefully, he places his hand over Elmott's, breath shaking as he guides Elmott between his thighs and where he needs it. He presses their foreheads together, and he whispers,]
[ there's something in the act of yan qing guiding his hand down between his thighs that makes elmott's breath catch, something in the admittance that he wants him that makes his heart ache. he leans heavily against yan qing, takes a deep breath to gather himself because just this is already too much for him to handle. ]
Yeah, [ he nuzzles blindly along yan qing's cheek, dips shaky fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers. ] Yeah, I got you.
[ he's had his eyes closed but he opens them again once he finds yan qing's cock, carefully wrapping his fingers around him. there's something almost sobering about it, feeling the weight of him in his hand, all velvety warm skin stiff against his fingers. he sees glimpses of a design tattooed along it and it makes him swallow, mouth suddenly gone dry as he breathes out shakily. he doesn't know what he's doing and he knows yan qing won't finish nearly as quickly as he did, but he lets his fingers run down and back up, just to get familiar with how it feels, to see what yan qing likes. ]
[Yan Qing wraps his hand around Elmott's grip, closing it tighter around his shaft and showing Elmott where to focus and when to take it slow. Maybe he should feel guilty. His first should be with someone simpler, better, a man whose past isn't so steeped in blood and tragedy — but he makes Elmott stroke him down so wonderfully that his eyelashes flutter and his voice begins to pour out like honey, words of encouragement a mess on his tongue. The fingers between Elmott's knuckles slip away from his hand and slide up his wrist, then his shoulder. Holding Elmott there, he thinks he has it together, but each quiet breath they take is so loud in his ears that he can just barely keep his legs apart. Even worse is how he can feel Elmott's gaze on him and how, without a single spell, he can paint his chest and core with a heat he can't deny.
Don't stare. He was never meant to be the center of attention. But...]
You like it? [A playful smirk tugs at Yan Qing's lips as he manages to ask a question between the sounds Elmott draws from him with each touch.] You keep staring, but I've never heard you say it.
[ he's never thought he had it bad for yan qing until this moment, hand on his dick and listening to the rise and fall of his voice with every stroke. he doesn't think it's very good, but yan qing keeps looking like that, like this is something he's wanted for a while and elmott keeps struggling to catch his breath properly. a part of him feels like he's touching something he shouldn't, that he's trying to do something that someone like him doesn't deserve, and maybe he should feel guilty, too. elmott has no doubts that yan qing has had better partners, more experienced ones who actually know what they're doing with the confidence to back it up. someone who's fingers aren't so clumsy with the way they slide along his skin, someone who won't fumble on the next upward stroke towards the tip.
yan qing's voice makes him focus on his face briefly before he looks back down at his hands again, a deep flush on his cheeks at the smirk on his face, at the implication of his question. ]
Are you stupid? [ he says instead, leaning forward to kiss that dumb smirk. ] Of course I do.
[ it doesn't matter than yan qing is the only other person he's ever seen like this aside from himself. as with everything else about yan qing, he couldn't look away from him even if he wanted to. ]
[ He is immediately harder in Elmott's hand, the velvet skin and ink warm to the touch, and a sultry laugh low in Yan Qing's throat tickles Elmott's mouth when they kiss a second time. Elmott can call him stupid all he likes, but his honesty is all Yan Qing wants. Words hold power over a person more than anything else. Yan Qing should know. When Elmott touches him and says what he likes to hear, he can only moan into their kiss and hope Elmott feels it. ]
That wasn't so bad. [ Yan Qing licks his lips, if only to savor the taste and let him watch. ] You're doing better. Just pretend you're getting yourself off. You do that, don't you?
[ He wonders what he thinks about when he does. His leg hooks around Elmott's waist after a wave of pleasure, and a hand threads into crimson hair as he murmurs Elmott's name and how he likes it. Harder, tighter, like that. He'll memorize it all in time. For now, all Yan Qing wants to focus on is the proximity between their mouths and the ways they can close it. ]
[ it's a little concerning how he thinks anything yan qing does is sultry. he laughs into his mouth and elmott nips at his bottom lip, sharp canines digging just a little into the swell of it to make it sting. yan qing is hot in his grip and elmott tries to pay attention to what he says and what he likes, separating the meaning from how they feel murmured against his skin. ]
Shut up, I do. [ he doesn't. not really. not because he doesn't want to, it just wasn't something he felt like doing and he wouldn't even know what to think about during. he'd been alone for so long and his world had only begun to expand recently; physical intimacy like this is a foreign concept he'd never considered before. flatly, as much as he can sound while giving a handjob: ] I guess I've got a good teacher then, huh.
[ but really, this isn't fair. there's no denying that yan qing is beautiful — even someone like him can see that and appreciate it. what makes it difficult is the fact that he's looking at him like this, that it's his hand on yan qing's dick rather than someone else; it's his hair that yan qing's hand is tangled in and elmott's heart clenches so sharply it almost hurts. he won't be able to do this with anyone else, because yan qing would be the only one he sees, and his voice would be the only one he hears. ]
[ It shouldn't matter what Elmott's done or with whom. Elmott chose to touch him despite himself, despite themselves, and that's all he should think about. But Yan Qing knows his demons more than anybody. The sting of his lip spurs him to think: if he isn't the only one, he should be the first. If he isn't the first, he should be the best. The best are never forgotten. Elmott says he's learning and Yan Qing pulls him in to show him how they can be better. Their foreheads press together and Yan Qing can feel the sweat that's begun to trickle down his temples, down his neck, the heat conquering the space between them and everything it touches. He prays it burns his image into Elmott's mind. ]
Yeah, [ he says, his wet lips just barely touching Elmott's own with every word. ] you're in good hands.
[ His touch is rough yet gentle as it moves down the firm and tight build a mage shouldn't have, committing Elmott's life and body to memory. The man before him shouldn't be so strong. If he won't share the burden, then Yan Qing knows what he has to do.
To distract him, all it takes is a kiss.
While his lips are on his, Yan Qing pulls Elmott's waistband down, takes Elmott's hand away, and realizes their hips have never been closer when he wraps his grip around their cocks. ]
[ a laugh bubbles up from his chest that gets lost in the kiss— you're in good hands, literally and figuratively, as yan qing's touch travels down his torso. elmott is not nearly as fit as yan qing, or even majority of the people in the crew, but he's been through enough in his life, carried his regrets and burdens long enough that he had to adapt in other ways outside of his magic. there's scars tattooed along his body, skin discolored in various places when he was still learning how to control his fire; those never leave or fade over time, as permanent as the ink etched into yan qing's skin.
maybe it's strength, or maybe he's just too stubborn to give in when he should, too quick to lay his life and body on the line for others when he doesn't have anything else left to give.
but none of that matters. yan qing has his hand around both of them and all the air rushes out of his lungs in one breath, as if yan qing had punched him in the gut like he did in the amphitheater. for a second, elmott's fingers grasp at nothing before he blindly reaches for yan qing's bicep, remembering to breathe as he blinks his eyes open again. now that he knows what to expect, he isn't immediately getting off, but there's still something about seeing yan qing's hand wrapped around them, his tattooed length pressed against his that makes his pulse race. elmott runs hot on principle, but yan qing feels so warm to him, his grip sure and steady, and he finds himself close again despite coming not that long ago. ]
What, you gonna time it? [ he slides his hand up yan qing's arm, following the curve of muscle until he passes the delicate rise of his clavicle, curling around the back of his neck. it's concerning how he finds he can't stop kissing yan qing. ] What if I can't wait?
[ because he doesn't think he can, not for very long. not with the way yan qing has already taken hold of his body and his heart. ]
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no subject
[ he's not sure what to say at first. he knows logically that the same could be applied to him, he's just never thought about it like that. things have changed since he met the crew, but the fact is he's not personable like the others, not as sociable or likable. ]
I guess I just didn't expect you to keep coming back.
no subject
[He sets his tea down, and his gaze softens as he leans back, looking at Elmott with fond green eyes. He knows the feeling of not expecting anything, of pushing others away despite yourself. The little things about Elmott start to click, and Yan Qing finally thinks he's begun to understand his kindness. No, not kindness—but what's it called? In his desire to understand, he draws closer.]
So I got every reason to, don't I? And now we're here.
[He takes him by the chin and it reminds him of that day at the amphitheatre. Same distance, same strong grip.
But this time, he smiles.]
You always look so tired. I hope I'm not wearing you out.
no subject
I ain't as young as I used to be. [ he feels like he's aged ten years since he's arrived in lunatia. but yan qing's smile lingers in his mind even as he closes his eyes, relaxing into his touch. ] Keepin' up with you kids is a full time job.
no subject
[His laughter is low in his throat. Elmott talks a lot about getting old, but Yan Qing's not the one scared stiff from his touch. He doesn't judge. This is new to him, too: the beat of his heart, the rush of heat across his skin. If he should lose himself to the feeling, it won't be because he's afraid of finding anything else. So Yan Qing traces a careful line from Elmott's lips to his throat, and the next time he speaks, his breath is hot on his neck.]
I just wanna learn more about you.
[Slowly, Yan Qing pushes him down, the smirk still on his lips as he begins to savor the taste of everything he needs, right where he wants it.]
no subject
[ because he wouldn't allow one of his kids to get this close, nor would he allow himself to do this either — his lips part beneath yan qing's fingers, and his next inhale is shakier than it should be when he feels his breath on his neck. yan qing has barely touched him and elmott's chest feels too tight, heart beating rabbit-quick in his sternum.
i just wanna learn more about you, he says, and elmott thinks he already knows how to read him better than most people he knows.
he doesn't register that yan qing has pushed him down until his back meets the fabric of his couch and he swallows hard, finally blinking his eyes open to see him. but he can only see the top of yan qing's head as he shudders beneath him, and it's not fair that he feels this wrecked already. ]
Hey. [ it comes out breathier than he'd like, reaching up to frame his fingers along yan qing's jaw. ] C'mere for a sec.
[ at the very least, he owes him a proper kiss this time. ]
no subject
What? Did you want to go first?
[Because he's trying not to be.]
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it doesn't take a lot of effort to lean in the scant distance between them, to press his lips against yan qing's soft and slow, a far cry from the hurried and desperate first kiss. he has his eyes closed again and he slides his hands from yan qing's jaw up into his hair, long strands slipping through his fingers like water. he feels lightheaded, feels like he's floating, and he breathes in shakily once he realizes that there should be more to this. he should... do more with his hands, or mouth, or something. but he hasn't done this before, has never entertained the thought of doing this with anyone because he's him and he knows he's not so easily likable.
but maybe it's okay. there's a million reasons why he shouldn't be doing this, but none of them stick. he holds yan qing close, cradles the back of his head with one hand and counts the seconds until he pulls away. ]
no subject
The kiss returned is slow and deep as it savors the chroma running beneath their veins. Pleasure closes in on them as they forget the cold tea on the coffee and the breaths they need to keep going. Elmott runs his fingers through Yan Qing's hair and he draws out a soft sound of pleasure that pours into their kiss, followed by the murmur of a name. Hurried hands begin to tug at Elmott's shirt, tearing it open button by button. Rough fingers find bare skin. A command:]
Tell me what you want.
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—What? [ how is his voice so rough already? he clears his throat, blinks past the dizziness to focus on yan qing's face, and shivers when the cooler air meets his skin. ] You already know, don't you?
[ yan qing has to know. elmott is easy to read despite how much he covers it up with his prickly exterior, and it's harder to do around people he cares about. tell me what you want feels like a broad and hazy concept, something all-encompassing that even he's not sure he can really define. but it starts with yan qing and it ends with yan qing, so— ]
I want you, stupid.
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The clink of Elmott's buckle sounds like a ringing in his ears as he undoes it in a hurry, his whispers hot on Elmott's skin when he asks,] You've done this before?
no subject
No, [ it's breathed out shallowly, his hips twitching up towards yan qing almost of their own accord, in some silent encouragement. elmott's face is on fire like the rest of him, and he can't look at yan qing at the moment, so he tilts his head up towards the ceiling instead. ] Do I seem like the kinda guy that gets around?
[ because he isn't, and he doesn't know what he's doing. ]
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[Elmott can tell he means it because Yan Qing murmurs the words as if he'd just gotten out of bed, humming close to Elmott's ear as he runs his fingers through his hair like wine. On the surface, Elmott's nothing close to what he's used to holding — tall, disheveled, and rough around the edges — but Yan Qing knows Elmott gets him better than anyone else, is kinder than anyone else, and that matters more than any pretty face.
But at the same time, it'd be wrong to say he didn't find Elmott attractive. He hushes Elmott with a press of his lips to his temple, his cheek.]
You think I'd fuck you if you didn't look like this? [He laughs, the clear and crisp sound breaking the thick silence hanging in the air. It doesn't go away.] I ain't that nice, you know.
[Elmott bucks forward and Yan Qing's tattooed hand slips underneath the garter, pressing him down, tracing the bones of his hip as he lays next to him.]
Just relax and let me do it. You're so hot—
[His words sound like smoke, warm on Elmott's neck, but even warmer is the thick length Yan Qing wraps his fingers around when he finally finds what he's searching for.]
i can't believe this is happening
just relax, yan qing tells him, but elmott can't, not when he can feel his hand sliding into his jeans, into his briefs, and then there's fingers around his dick and elmott's brain goes blissfully blank.
he's very dimly aware of his back arching up off the couch in a sharp jerk, as if trying to get free. there's a low, almost animal sound that leaves his throat aching afterwards, something desperate mixed with relief; he doesn't remember coming but yan qing's touch is wet and hot and the shame that he couldn't stop himself, that he's already done this quickly can't even penetrate the fuzz in his mind. he can't recall the last time he'd touched himself, can't recall the last time he felt like he needed or wanted to, not when he was trying to find a way to survive on his own.
when he blinks his eyes open, he comes back to himself in degrees, staring up at yan qing haloed by the light filtering in front the small kitchen. his hand feels like jelly, but he reaches up to cup his cheek, draws him down so he can kiss him, slow and open-mouthed, like he has all the time in the world to devote to this single thing. ]
same I'm just closing my eyes
I didn't do a thing, but... [He chuckles.] Couldn't wait for me, could you? I always knew you were a freak.
[Then, with a kiss more chaste:]
I like that, though.
[It's a shame. He was looking forward to more. But if Elmott is happy with this, that's all that matters to him.
Yan Qing pushes himself up. He's on the couch now, clothes wrinkled and hair a little mussed, looking at the very same hand that touched Elmott seconds ago. It's covered in a wetness on his palm and between his fingers, threatening to drip down the ink on his wrist. Not wanting to waste a drop of mana, he licks it before it does. He doesn't think twice. Not even when his tongue laps up Elmott's come with purpose does Yan Qing realize what he's doing as it starts.]
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[ there's no heat behind it and it's more out of habit at this point than anything malicious. the fact that he looks as wrecked as he is doesn't really help him either. maybe it's the chroma or maybe it's something else, but he feels loose and warm all over, like lying on the deck of the airship on a warm summer day. it doesn't stop him from running the pad of his thumb over yan qing's lips though before he pushes himself up, but what he doesn't expect is for him to lick his hand afterward.
elmott makes a choking sound, stilted and startled, and he hates the way heat immediately shoots down his body at the sight of it despite having finished just a moment ago. he wonders if yan qing knows what he's doing, if he's aware of it and how he doesn't seem fazed by it at all. but distantly, he recalls the conversation they had over breakfast, about how yan qing needs sex to survive. maybe he was telling the truth after all.
but now, he has options. he could either get up and end it here, or he could stay like a bigger part of him wants to. the idea that yan qing did this at all, maybe not just for him, isn't lost on elmott; more importantly, he doesn't like the idea of not doing something in return. it's not nearly as altruistic as it seems when he sits up himself, taking yan qing's soiled hand and kissing his wrist, reaching down with his other hand to slide his fingers into yan qing's waistband and pull him closer. ]
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You don't have to—
[But as his hips move away, the same hand pulls him closer.]
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[ elmott follows without resistance, scooting in close until he's seated between yan qing's legs, knees bracketing his sides. he lets go of his hand and reaches up instead, tracing a finger over yan qing's cheek before leaning in to kiss the curve of it. ]
I want to.
[ he knows what this is, that yan qing doesn't expect anything because it's easier that way, less hurtful in the long run. it's harder to give than to take because there's always a risk of having more and more taken from you until you have nothing left to give, until you've been wrung dry of everything you have. elmott knows this, but it doesn't stop him anyway, because he hasn't been emptied yet.
his fingers are steadier than he feels, undoing the fly to yan qing's pants carefully like this isn't the first time he's done so, like this isn't the first time he's touched someone like this. the dim light from the kitchen makes it hard to see things clearly, but he can make out more of yan qing's tattoos beneath and he swallows thickly, feels his teeth ache like he wants to put his own marks alongside them. ]
... But if you don't want me to, I won't.
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It's not the first time he's had hands admire the tattoos across his skin and voices tell him to play another song or have another drink. Those voices last for just a night. He's not used to being wanted down to his soul, to trusting Elmott won't leave the next day. He knows this now, because when Elmott kisses his cheek, it's like he could say anything and Yan Qing would believe it. And he doesn't want to be that fool again, hoping for something that will never come to be, but Elmott never asks for anything either and he can't help the aching in his chest. In this moment, he remembers why Elmott is too much for him. Too good, too willing to give him everything he wants. It makes him selfish.
He tugs on Elmott's wrist, gripping it as if he's afraid Elmott will disappear, and suddenly, his throat is tight.]
I want you to.
[Carefully, he places his hand over Elmott's, breath shaking as he guides Elmott between his thighs and where he needs it. He presses their foreheads together, and he whispers,]
I want you. Please.
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Yeah, [ he nuzzles blindly along yan qing's cheek, dips shaky fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers. ] Yeah, I got you.
[ he's had his eyes closed but he opens them again once he finds yan qing's cock, carefully wrapping his fingers around him. there's something almost sobering about it, feeling the weight of him in his hand, all velvety warm skin stiff against his fingers. he sees glimpses of a design tattooed along it and it makes him swallow, mouth suddenly gone dry as he breathes out shakily. he doesn't know what he's doing and he knows yan qing won't finish nearly as quickly as he did, but he lets his fingers run down and back up, just to get familiar with how it feels, to see what yan qing likes. ]
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Don't stare. He was never meant to be the center of attention. But...]
You like it? [A playful smirk tugs at Yan Qing's lips as he manages to ask a question between the sounds Elmott draws from him with each touch.] You keep staring, but I've never heard you say it.
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yan qing's voice makes him focus on his face briefly before he looks back down at his hands again, a deep flush on his cheeks at the smirk on his face, at the implication of his question. ]
Are you stupid? [ he says instead, leaning forward to kiss that dumb smirk. ] Of course I do.
[ it doesn't matter than yan qing is the only other person he's ever seen like this aside from himself. as with everything else about yan qing, he couldn't look away from him even if he wanted to. ]
Hard not to stare.
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That wasn't so bad. [ Yan Qing licks his lips, if only to savor the taste and let him watch. ] You're doing better. Just pretend you're getting yourself off. You do that, don't you?
[ He wonders what he thinks about when he does. His leg hooks around Elmott's waist after a wave of pleasure, and a hand threads into crimson hair as he murmurs Elmott's name and how he likes it. Harder, tighter, like that. He'll memorize it all in time. For now, all Yan Qing wants to focus on is the proximity between their mouths and the ways they can close it. ]
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Shut up, I do. [ he doesn't. not really. not because he doesn't want to, it just wasn't something he felt like doing and he wouldn't even know what to think about during. he'd been alone for so long and his world had only begun to expand recently; physical intimacy like this is a foreign concept he'd never considered before. flatly, as much as he can sound while giving a handjob: ] I guess I've got a good teacher then, huh.
[ but really, this isn't fair. there's no denying that yan qing is beautiful — even someone like him can see that and appreciate it. what makes it difficult is the fact that he's looking at him like this, that it's his hand on yan qing's dick rather than someone else; it's his hair that yan qing's hand is tangled in and elmott's heart clenches so sharply it almost hurts. he won't be able to do this with anyone else, because yan qing would be the only one he sees, and his voice would be the only one he hears. ]
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Yeah, [ he says, his wet lips just barely touching Elmott's own with every word. ] you're in good hands.
[ His touch is rough yet gentle as it moves down the firm and tight build a mage shouldn't have, committing Elmott's life and body to memory. The man before him shouldn't be so strong. If he won't share the burden, then Yan Qing knows what he has to do.
To distract him, all it takes is a kiss.
While his lips are on his, Yan Qing pulls Elmott's waistband down, takes Elmott's hand away, and realizes their hips have never been closer when he wraps his grip around their cocks. ]
So let's do it together.
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maybe it's strength, or maybe he's just too stubborn to give in when he should, too quick to lay his life and body on the line for others when he doesn't have anything else left to give.
but none of that matters. yan qing has his hand around both of them and all the air rushes out of his lungs in one breath, as if yan qing had punched him in the gut like he did in the amphitheater. for a second, elmott's fingers grasp at nothing before he blindly reaches for yan qing's bicep, remembering to breathe as he blinks his eyes open again. now that he knows what to expect, he isn't immediately getting off, but there's still something about seeing yan qing's hand wrapped around them, his tattooed length pressed against his that makes his pulse race. elmott runs hot on principle, but yan qing feels so warm to him, his grip sure and steady, and he finds himself close again despite coming not that long ago. ]
What, you gonna time it? [ he slides his hand up yan qing's arm, following the curve of muscle until he passes the delicate rise of his clavicle, curling around the back of his neck. it's concerning how he finds he can't stop kissing yan qing. ] What if I can't wait?
[ because he doesn't think he can, not for very long. not with the way yan qing has already taken hold of his body and his heart. ]
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